Mina

i’m missing jordan right now. the dead sea, the red sea. wadi rum, just riding on a camel all morning and seeing the blackest sky in the world just completely LIT UP with stars as i fall asleep in the middle of the desert. another resolution for 2009 is to figure out how to stuff my life into my backpack. once i figure that out, i’m going to travel. just me and some clothes and my camera. i want to get out of this life for a few days at a time. just wander.

it helps that i know i have a brand new high sierra backpacking backpack under the tree right now.

i just want to be the best person that i can be. that requires a psychiatrist. so, in order to be the best person that i can be, i need to stop being such a fucking baby and go to a psychiatrist.

that’s new years’ resolution number one.

It’s time.

For new years’ resolutions. I have plenty. And I know that people think they are stupid. But I need them. I need symbolic beginnings. I need a day that I wake up and say “things are going to be different.” I am so analytical. I can’t just do something when I wake up. I have to plan. I’m literally writing down things to do at the beginning of the year. Where to find the all-natural stuff that I want to start using. How many hours per week I need to work. When I’m going to take days off. My brain just functions awkwardly.

i’ve been awake for a long time. it’s 5:41 a.m. i don’t have my glasses on, so i thought it was 6:41 a.m. once i finish the laundry, i’m going grocery shopping for christmas eve dinner. get that shit done before the store is a madhouse.

i just this moment decided that i DO want to have kids someday. because of a tollhouse cookie commercial.

today i got middlesex, how to cook everything vegetarian, mario batali’s tour of spain cookbook, real desserts, and barefoot in paris. i’m so excited about reading.

just kidding. tonight is crying. i think i’ll call a therapist on monday. when anxiety keeps you from admitting that you are dealing with depression…i think something is wrong.

tonight is bourbon, episodes of lost, and wishing that karen from will and grace was a real person.

GOD DAMNIT I GOT AN 88.3% AS MY FINAL GRADE IN AFRICAN POLICY. GOD DAMNIT GOD DAMNIT GOD DAMNIT.

Chicago in 2011. It’s happening.